Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The first of what I hope is a bunch of NSA / PRISM bits.

Do you worry that They can turn on your cellphone's microphone while you're doing it? I'm thinking Cabin in the Woods. Hadley and the crew are sitting around the NSA monitoring room just listening to you go at it.
YOU: Oh, Silvia! Uh, oh, baby! I'm INSIDE YOU!
HADLEY: Tell her you love her.
YOU: Oh, I love you so much!
HADLEY: Atta boy. 
SITTERSON: Can we get the camera on?
HADLEY: No, don't. I looked him up on Facebook. We don't want to--
(The image comes up on the big screen. All scream in disgust.)
HADLEY: Truman! What the Hell, man? I told you I looked him up!
TRUMAN: But look at her Facebook page. She's cute!
HADLEY: Does that look cute?
SITTERSON: Looks like a moose killing a deer. Or dump truck rolling over on a pumpkin.

HADLEY: You should listen to me. I know what I'm doing.
SITTERSON: Well, change the channel. Geez. My pie's coming up.
HADLEY: Right. Let's try...Malibu. Gotta be something going on out there, right?
YOU: Mmm, gonna blow that ass up like the White House.
(All freeze.)
SITTERSON: What the fuck did he just say?
HADLEY: Play that back!
YOU: Mmm, gonna blow that ass up like the White House.
(They scramble.)
HADLEY: Alright, get SWAT over there NOW. (Grabbing the red phone) Sir? We have terrorist sex talk in sector Z340...yes sir...He says he's gonna blow up her ass just like the White House...well, sir, I'm not as concerned with her butt as I am with the White--but sir, he...yes sir. (Hangs up. Disappointed.) Stand down, Warriors. Cancel the SWAT.
TRUMAN: (Putting down his phone.) Aw, I was gonna live Tweet the bust.
HADLEY: You were gonna what now?
TRUMAN: Er...go get everybody another beer? (Scampers out.)
SITTERSON: Where do they find these guys?
HADLEY: He's ex-Enron.
SITTERSON: Ah. Good times.


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