Tuesday, November 4, 2008

This is some crap!

So I went walking around North Hollywood. There weren't any animated bunnies or birds. And Starbucks still charged me for my cupcake. I thought the Obama administration was all about change!

I Can't Stand It

I need to go see what people are doing. This is not the night to be cooped up with two cats and a virus.  I'ma take a walk.

Vai 2012.

An open letter to Everybody (warning: not funny)

TO THOSE WHO SUPPORTED OBAMA: Please please be good sports in victory. Please rise above the mundane. Please do not make us sorry he won by becoming the worst version of who you are. Most of us will never meet the man but if you represent him and believe in what he says, please act that way. Lead by example. If you want better, be better.

TO THOSE WHO DID NOT SUPPORT OBAMA: Please please allow for the possibility that this could be a great moment for this country. Please allow for the fact that we are on new terrain in more ways than one. Think about it. How different is the country today? Be honorable in defeat. If you want better, be better.

TO EVERYBODY: Please do not mistake televised bickering for thoughtful debate. Please do not mistake egocentric pundits for leaders. And please, please do not give in to the easy judgment of "those other people." Those people that live in wherever. Those people who beleive in whatever. Those people who voted however. Please do not make the arrogant/ignorant mistake of believing that you know how someone else thinks. And know that each time you fall to that easy judgment, you are making it easy for someone else to do the exact same to you. And then to me. Try to understand what you do not. Be a student. Be the one asking the questions, trying to understand. Be the one that everyone, regardless of difference, looks to as an honorable, dedicated American.

And if you get the chance to carpet bomb Sacramento, deal a brother a solid and hit it!

Holy Fucking Shit

CNN just called it for Obama. So many George Clinton songs just became relevant again.

And now FOX is letting their black guy talk a lot.

CNN: The Trip

CNN has this crazy virtual Congress that hangs over a virtual White House. It changes colors and has the faces of the senators...wild.

I might just bang 20 mls of Vick's Dry Cough Personal Care and freak the fuck out.

I'm back on Fox...

Megyn Kelly. Sure, she spells her name wrong (ME g.y.n. is a medical doctor) but she's what's keeping my demographic planted.

The Fox team is eating cookies that Carl Rove brought in, by the way.


Is Sean crying yet?

Man, it's only 6:45?

This is gonna take forever. And nobody's even talking about the Diebold Vote yet.


This orange chicken is awesome.

Wait! CNN has a big projection!

Wolf "Under the table" Blitzer just announced they have a big projection but then sent us to commercial. Oh, Wolf, you tease!

I just flipped to Fox. They say Virginia went for McCain. Let's see if that's what Wolf wanted to tell us -- Oh wait a minute. Fox just put McCain campaign woman Nicolle Wallace on. Her haircut is cute!

Okay, back over to CNN. Did I miss it? Wait...somebody's at the door...

Fox is disappointing me

Murdock needs to fire off a memo or something. Brit and Carl Rove are not saying much of anything. Lots of hushed tones, throat clearing and talk about what Bush did in 2004.

West Hollywood is going to be intolerable tomorrow.


I just flipped over to CNN and got a face full of James Carvell.

Get off my television you creepy hairless vampire!

Hunger vs. Tang's China Cafe

6:05 and I got Orange Chicken on the way. The SARS seems to have abated for a moment. So, I'm confident in calling an early win for Ed's Stomach.

Of course, the combination of Chinese funky, wacky vitamins and my nightly JD/lemon Juice/Honey toddy will lead to dreams of a strange, new tomorrow.

New Words, New Idea

Fox is talking about a "Center Left America." Is this the party where Hannity cries?


Jean Shaheen beats John Sununu in New Hampshire.

Shaheen Sununu. I think I just found the name for my next bumbling terrorist character.

(In offensive Arab accents)

SS: Where is my bomb belt? I put it right here next to my muffin -- Rahheeb!

(Off screen)
R: What?

SS: Where is my bomb belt? And who bit into my muffin?

R: Shut up, you stupid terrorist! I'm playing Dance Dance Revolution!

(Shaheen Sununu grimaces as he butters a new muffin and grumbles to himself.)

SS: You are next, my friend. Tomorrow you brush your teeth with dynamite toothbrush.

And that's how terror happens.

The End.

Libby Libby Libby is out of office office office

Libby Dole just got fired in North Carolina.

So all you people that distrust my beloved home state can go fall down a hole somewhere.

The Double Bubble!

In Ohio, it seems voting once for your man isn't enough. Some people are also writing in a candidate. So, you have a clear punch for Ralph Nader and then the write in reads "Mickey Mouse and Goofy." So the election officials have to discern "voter intent."

I say once you misunderstand the system on such a basic level, your ballot is tossed out. Disenfranchise that ass. I mean, come on. Nader was kicked off the Ohio ballot a week ago.


Black's going nuts - For Carl Rove

As soon as Carl Rove came on to talk about his ponderous chin, Black went nuts and starting ripping around the apartment.

Now she's lurking on the balcony.

Don't worry kitten, that chin is just on television. It can't get you.

Politibits Central - The Set Up

This is great. I am completely pugged in. I have AM 640 on the radio, FOX on the TV, CNN.com and my Gmail running on the laptop. The cats are fully watered and fed, I got Poo Choo's Chinese Yes Yes Yummy Happiness on speed dial and the dry, hacking cough has subsided...

Let the political bitzkrieg begin!

4:00 PST - Here come the results!

Brit "Silky Tones" Hume is telling us about some of the states where the polls just closed. Oh! We're going to Meagan and the map! She just called Kentucky for McCain and Vermont for Obama and there are few others that are "Too close to call." ("Too close to call" is Fox-Speak for "Diebold Wins One for McCain," by they way.)

Man, she's throwing around a lot of stats but all I can think is "Woof, what do I have to do to get Meagan to do a little pole analysis for the Kid?" Bam!

ELECTION Ahhhhhhh Eight

It's election day! Sort of like Christmas when you're fifteen (you know you're getting something but the parents know no matter what you get, you're not gonna like it).

I'm returning to the political bitmosphere because I'm sick and alone.

Let me rephrase.

I'm returning to the political bitmosphere because I'm currently fighting the latest in SARS-like illnesses and am sparing my friends by not attending the Election Night Parties.

It also occurs to me that those "let's all get together and agree" type deals are the situations where you find out which of your friends are political zealots. (Sean Hannity crying type behavior.)

Plus, I sort of hate being in a room full of people agreeing. The sense of humor is usually the first thing to go. "No, seriously, man. McCain is evil."

Today Sean Hannity had his son on the radio show. He asked the boy (so far nameless, I guess) if he could vote, who would he vote for. Boy says "McCain" - shocking! Sean then said he knows his son is a republican because in 2004 every time a state was called for Bush he cried and his son cried with him. Sounds like Sean's raising a little girl in likeness of his mama to me. I knew Hannity was too pretty to be straight.