Saturday, August 30, 2008

My Political Statement

I can't help it. If Palin wins, Tina Fey will become the most popular female comedian on the planet. I can't pass up the opportunity to support Chicago-style comedy. I'm on the McCain Train!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Enter the Princess

(In a high, prissy voice.) Little Mrs. Blacksikins gots herself a noo woomate today! Yes she did! Kitty want a buddy? A cuddle buddy? Yesh you do! Yesh you do!

(Gunshot, sounds of a body hitting the floor.)

Her name is Bridget. She looks like vanilla caramel swirl and acts like she invented the whole damn thing. Black was not exactly amused but not exactly intrigued enough to get up and actually investigate.

I guess curiosity only kills the cat if said curiosity doesn't interfere with sleeping on the pillow where I put my head.

*This is not a cat blog.

THIS IS NOT A CAT BLOG

Now, I know I talk about Black from time to time. But that's cause she's my roommate, not my life partner. I'm just a guy with a cat. To wit...

I do not have a subscription to Cat Fancy nor do I browse cat magazines at the news stand. And I don't have a "Cats In Action" coffee table book.

I do not have a Cat Calender or any sort of cat imagery in my house.

I am not, nor have I ever been, part of a network, club or support group involving cats.

I buy cat food, shit sand and occasionally a toy. Sometimes treats.

I think all those "I don't own a cat, my cat owns me!" bumperstickers are depressing. And the pictures of bored looking cats with captions like "Keep doing what you do, human. I'll let you know when I need you!!!!" make me vomit on my shirt.

My cat's named Black. She was named that a long time ago by someone else and she's a black cat so it makes sense. I never once considered changing her name to "Mistress Meow Meow," "Fancy," or "Baby Dracula." (Though Baby Dracula would have been pretty damn funny when she was a tiny kitten.)

So don't link me to your damn cat blog. If I want to catch up on "Captain Whiskers' Scratching Post" I'll tun in myself. I'm not supporting "Take your cat to work day." I'm not going to the convention. I'm not drinking the feline flavored Kool Ade.


I'm just a guy with a cat.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Pineapple Express - Our First Premier

I'm interning at a big time Hollywood Production Company and my boss took me to my first premier last tonight. It was exciting to walk down the same red carpets and have my picture not taken by the same photographers as all the famous people. But here's something they don't tell you about in film school: Not only do you get to see the movie for free but they give away popcorn and Pepsi too. What the!

And if that wasn't enough there's a huge party afterwards with open bars and free food. My boss ducked out early. So there I was at the big Hollywood premier, surrounded by people in the same business I'm in, all in the mood to laugh and be social. So, being the scrappy up-and-comer that I am, I think "opportunity time!"

THE TOP FIVE LINES THAT GET YOU NOWHERE AT THE BIG HOLLYWOOD PREMIER PARTY
5) Wow, this is some party!
4) I thought the second act had problems.
3) I'm in film school.
2) I have a penis.
1) I'm a writer.

Now I know what it's like to go to prom alone.  Thank you Seth Rogan.